rolltidehero
Active member
Off topic but my throat cancer has come back... AGAIN... for the third time in five years.
It's right around my voice box. Technically, it's esophageal cancer.
I've tried everything that I could to save my voice, but now I'm out of options.
I tried radiation the first time. It did good for three years, then it came back.
Then I tried the max amount of chemotherapy. It was clear for 11 months, but it just showed back up in my latest biopsy on Monday.
So now the only option left is to cut it out, which will include my voice box.
I'll have a hole in my throat and I'll probably sound like Ned from South Park.
It's really fucking depressing because I talk to my two dogs all day & night and I'm afraid they won't recognize me when I come home with a robot voice.
I've made some voice recordings of some of the commands and phrases that I use to talk to them, in the high & low pitches that I use.
It also really fucking sucks that I did radiation and chemo for nothing basically.
Now I have tons of crippling side-effects from those that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life, all for nothing.
I'm sorry for ranting. It's just that I really don't have many people in my life other than my two dogs, so I just feel like I gotta talk to somebody about it.
I've had 103 surgeries in the last seven years to help deal with this crap. Most of them being throat dilations to keep my throat open enough to be able to eat.
Thank god for health insurance! I still have to pay a lot out-of-pocket every year, but it's better than the millions it would have cost me if I didn't have health insurance.
But health insurance or not, the bills never stop coming. At this point, I just let them go to collections so I can make the minimum payment on each one.
I'm not here asking for anything... I really just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe find others who have been through this or know someone who has.
I'm sure I can find some people on reddit or Facebook groups... But those aren't my kind of people. Y'ALL ARE MY KIND OF PEOPLE!
So really, I guess I'm just asking for prayers, good wishes or anything positive that will help me through this tough time from folks like you who I have stuff in common with.
You don't even have to reply. A silent prayer is just as good as any prayer in my opinion.
Anyways, thanks for hearing me out. My door is always open to any of you who need to talk or need help with anything.
I've dealt with bipolar depression, heartbreak, bankruptcy, loss of loved ones... So there is plenty that I can offer advice on.
You can message me on here of email me anytime at [email protected] and I promise that I will respond as soon as I can.
I'll try to keep y'all updated on everything if that's what you want.
And just so you don't feel like you're talking to just a screen name, here I am with my two best friends. https://bit.ly/rolltidehero - Google Photo & Video Album (rolltidehero)
https://bit.ly/rolltidehero - Google Photo & Video Album (rolltidehero)
Well, so my surgery is tomorrow.
This could be the last day with my voice-box.
This could be the last day that my dogs will be able to hear my voice like they are so used to.
I swear that I worry more about how it’s gonna affect them then I even worry about how it’s gonna affect me.
Here is a video of my previous battles with cancer and then me and my awesome dogs!
Sorry for not updating my condition and the outcome of the surgery in so long.
Unfortunately, they have to perform a full larenygectomy. They had to rebuild my throat using skin from my wrists. In doing so, they had to remove my voice-box, so now I can no longer speak or even smell.
It hasn't been easy. My social life has basically vanished. I went from going to the night club every weekend to not leaving the house for weeks at a time. I was scared that my dogs would act different, but thankfully the still love me.
My friends and family had a little surprise homecoming for me, which was cool. It's crazy how one of the best moments in your life can come at the worst time of your life. But they made that happen.
It's now been 101 days since I have had anything to eat or drink and I have at least 200 more days to go. I've lost 70 pounds in those 100 days (but I have been exercising too). It's not the first time that I've gone over 100 days without eating or drinking, so that experience has made it easier.
I'm not nearly as thirsty as I was the first 30 days. That was tough. Especially in the hospital. When I got home, I tried sneaking a bottle of water, but then I quickly realized it was pointless as it immediately came out of the hole in my neck
and made me choke if I didn't take super-baby sips. Now, I really only get thirsty when I wake up in the morning. But I just swoosh some water around in my mouth and put a bottle of water in my feeding tube and I'm okay.
Food has been the opposite. I wasn't hungry at all for the first 30 days. Now I get hungry all the time, and the nutrition shakes that I gotta put in my feeding tube don't help much at all. The damn food commercials make it worse, but luckily I don't watch TV with commercials unless it's football season.
It's not gonna be easy to get back to eating again because right now my throat is closed so tight that I can barely swallow air, and when I do, it makes a little farting noise because the air can barely make it through. I can't even swallow my saliva, so I have to carry a spit cup with me wherever I go. I did recently discover hard candy though! I can't swallow it but at least I get to taste it!
The support that I've received from you guys and the messages I receive in my inbox from mainly people I've never spoken with that tell me that my battle has inspired them and helped them, is such a big help to me. I know the homecoming y'all had for me was special. It's crazy that I can have one of the best moments of my life during one of the worst times in my life. But y'all made that happen! Thank you friends. I love you all forever! Especially the females!
It's right around my voice box. Technically, it's esophageal cancer.
I've tried everything that I could to save my voice, but now I'm out of options.
I tried radiation the first time. It did good for three years, then it came back.
Then I tried the max amount of chemotherapy. It was clear for 11 months, but it just showed back up in my latest biopsy on Monday.
So now the only option left is to cut it out, which will include my voice box.
I'll have a hole in my throat and I'll probably sound like Ned from South Park.
It's really fucking depressing because I talk to my two dogs all day & night and I'm afraid they won't recognize me when I come home with a robot voice.
I've made some voice recordings of some of the commands and phrases that I use to talk to them, in the high & low pitches that I use.
It also really fucking sucks that I did radiation and chemo for nothing basically.
Now I have tons of crippling side-effects from those that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life, all for nothing.
I'm sorry for ranting. It's just that I really don't have many people in my life other than my two dogs, so I just feel like I gotta talk to somebody about it.
I've had 103 surgeries in the last seven years to help deal with this crap. Most of them being throat dilations to keep my throat open enough to be able to eat.
Thank god for health insurance! I still have to pay a lot out-of-pocket every year, but it's better than the millions it would have cost me if I didn't have health insurance.
But health insurance or not, the bills never stop coming. At this point, I just let them go to collections so I can make the minimum payment on each one.
I'm not here asking for anything... I really just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe find others who have been through this or know someone who has.
I'm sure I can find some people on reddit or Facebook groups... But those aren't my kind of people. Y'ALL ARE MY KIND OF PEOPLE!
So really, I guess I'm just asking for prayers, good wishes or anything positive that will help me through this tough time from folks like you who I have stuff in common with.
You don't even have to reply. A silent prayer is just as good as any prayer in my opinion.
Anyways, thanks for hearing me out. My door is always open to any of you who need to talk or need help with anything.
I've dealt with bipolar depression, heartbreak, bankruptcy, loss of loved ones... So there is plenty that I can offer advice on.
You can message me on here of email me anytime at [email protected] and I promise that I will respond as soon as I can.
I'll try to keep y'all updated on everything if that's what you want.
And just so you don't feel like you're talking to just a screen name, here I am with my two best friends. https://bit.ly/rolltidehero - Google Photo & Video Album (rolltidehero)
https://bit.ly/rolltidehero - Google Photo & Video Album (rolltidehero)
***UPDATE*** 07/07/2021
Well, so my surgery is tomorrow.
This could be the last day with my voice-box.
This could be the last day that my dogs will be able to hear my voice like they are so used to.
I swear that I worry more about how it’s gonna affect them then I even worry about how it’s gonna affect me.
Here is a video of my previous battles with cancer and then me and my awesome dogs!
***UPDATE*** 11/01/2021
Sorry for not updating my condition and the outcome of the surgery in so long.
Unfortunately, they have to perform a full larenygectomy. They had to rebuild my throat using skin from my wrists. In doing so, they had to remove my voice-box, so now I can no longer speak or even smell.
It hasn't been easy. My social life has basically vanished. I went from going to the night club every weekend to not leaving the house for weeks at a time. I was scared that my dogs would act different, but thankfully the still love me.
My friends and family had a little surprise homecoming for me, which was cool. It's crazy how one of the best moments in your life can come at the worst time of your life. But they made that happen.
It's now been 101 days since I have had anything to eat or drink and I have at least 200 more days to go. I've lost 70 pounds in those 100 days (but I have been exercising too). It's not the first time that I've gone over 100 days without eating or drinking, so that experience has made it easier.
I'm not nearly as thirsty as I was the first 30 days. That was tough. Especially in the hospital. When I got home, I tried sneaking a bottle of water, but then I quickly realized it was pointless as it immediately came out of the hole in my neck
Food has been the opposite. I wasn't hungry at all for the first 30 days. Now I get hungry all the time, and the nutrition shakes that I gotta put in my feeding tube don't help much at all. The damn food commercials make it worse, but luckily I don't watch TV with commercials unless it's football season.
It's not gonna be easy to get back to eating again because right now my throat is closed so tight that I can barely swallow air, and when I do, it makes a little farting noise because the air can barely make it through. I can't even swallow my saliva, so I have to carry a spit cup with me wherever I go. I did recently discover hard candy though! I can't swallow it but at least I get to taste it!
The support that I've received from you guys and the messages I receive in my inbox from mainly people I've never spoken with that tell me that my battle has inspired them and helped them, is such a big help to me. I know the homecoming y'all had for me was special. It's crazy that I can have one of the best moments of my life during one of the worst times in my life. But y'all made that happen! Thank you friends. I love you all forever! Especially the females!
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..my prayers will be with you.
Get well soon brother 
